Sometimes we feel like we may have found the perfect person for us. Everything about them seems to fit the mould of what we want in a partner, and you’re almost certain that a relationship between you could work. Well, almost certain.
The idea that you can meet the right person at the wrong time is well known, and it’s absolutely possible that you could have met them. Meeting the right person at the wrong time in our life can leave one frustrated, overwhelmed, and most of all, confused.
Looking back and knowing you may have already met the right person can be tough. How can you tell whether someone is right for you? We’re going to look through some of the key signs
1. Personal Goals and Priorities
Probably the easiest way to tell if you’re in a right person wrong time situation is knowing that it’s tough to make it work when your priorities and personal goals are so different to one another.
In this scenario, it’s likely that you or the other person are intensely focused on individual goals like career, education, or self-improvement, and cannot afford the time and emotional energy required for a healthy relationship.
Maybe you tried to make things work, but it’s difficult when you have different priorities that are so far apart from one another. Or, perhaps it’s difficult for you to give the other person your full attention when you have other priorities in life right now. Either way, this is a common way to tell that you’ve met the right person at the wrong time.
2. Uncertainty About the Future
In this scenario, you or the other person are unsure about where you’ll be or what you’ll be doing in the near future, making it difficult to commit to a relationship. This could be a long distance relationship that’s just come at the wrong time for you in life.
This can be difficult, because on one hand, you can be confident you’re a match in both a physical and mental sense – which isn’t easy to find in a partner. You have no idea how their goals will evolve over time, or whether in a few years, it may be a better period for you two to get together.
You could also have an uncertain future for other reasons – moving colleges, a career that requires travel, and many more.
3. Emotional Unavailability
If you’re emotionally unavailable, it means that one or both of you are not emotionally ready for a relationship due to recent traumas, unresolved past issues, or other emotional challenges. When we are dealing with difficult problems in life, it can be a good idea to spend time alone to work through things.
In relationships, we have to give so much of our love and attention to them that it can end up taking a lot of energy to do so. But sometimes, when your emotions are draining you may not have this love to give, and it’s better to work on yourself.
4. Life Transitions
Life transitions happen every day and define a period in our lives where we may be extremely busy, with a need to focus on ourselves. You or the other person are going through significant life changes such as relocation, divorce, a new job, or dealing with loss.
For a lot of relationships, this can put a lot of struggle on the way you interact with each other. These life changing events can affect your whole personality, and forming a partnership during these times can make things very difficult. For this reason, it may be impossible to make the relationship work during a transition period.
5. Lack of Time
We all know that a relationship take a whole of of effort to make work. If you or the other person is not able to dedicate adequate time to nurture and grow the relationship, it may be doomed to fail from the start.
A lack of time can often be to one person having a time-consuming career, and it hurts to fall in love when the other person chooses their career over you. You may have been dating for a while before you realize your partner is more concerned about their job as a professional than they are making the relationship work.
When people are ambitious in their career, they often have a lack of time that they can put in to a committed relationship. How much you feel this will affect the relationship is up to you to decide.
6. Relationship Baggage
One or both of you are dealing with unresolved issues from previous relationships which may affect your current relationship negatively. The people from your past relationships may affect how your new relationships form.
It’s not just past romantic relationships that you have to think about – you may have responsibility for your child’s health, your family’s welfare, or other priorities in life too. Baggage doesn’t always have to have a negative meaning, as well all have it, both good and bad.
7. Healing Process
One or both of you may be healing from past hurts or are in the middle of personal growth, which means the timing isn’t right for a serious relationship. Because we all choose different paths in life, we need to deal with the consequences and problems that come into it, which requires having calm and open conversations with our partners to go through the healing process.
Serious past relationship problems may mean that one or both of you aren’t quite ready for a new relationship just yet. A discussion with open honesty bout this can clear it up, letting them know that they may be the right person – but not until you’ve healed.
When one or both of you are experiencing instability in life, this can make any relationship impossible, whether they’re the right person or the wrong person. This can be related to finances, housing, health-related, or even something else, which impacts the ability to engage in a relationship fully.
Although your feelings may be there for one another, periods of instability are seldom good times to start a relationship. Instead, it’s usually best to focus on getting your own life plan together.
9. Not Ready for Commitment
One or both of you not being ready to commit to a relationship can be due to various reasons – it could be a desire for freedom, fear of commitment, an age gap, or uncertainty about the relationship’s future.
Healthy relationships are those built on trust between one another, and making sure that you’re both on the same page. Younger people often find that they’re not ready for commitment at this period in their life, and that’s absolutely fine. Do you, and if you’re met the right person at the wrong time, hopefully you’ll find each other again some day.
The best advice for the ‘right person, wrong time’ situation: Do not change yourself
Whilst you may find it tough, it’s a terrible idea bad to try and force the relationship to work when it’s the wrong time in your life. When you keep trying to make things work against the grain, you often find that both of you end up being frustrated, even if you think you have a deep spiritual connection with someone.
Sometimes, you need to go with your gut feeling and make an executive call: you may well have met the right person, but it’s the wrong time right now. In the present, I need to focus on being the best version of myself – and hey, if we meet again later down the line, so be it.